Wednesday, January 4, 2017

John Lynch - NFL Hall of Fame Finalist? HA HA HA HA HA!

John Lynch? Come on, man. Or should I say MEDIA DARLING John Lynch? The NFL is actually considering enshrining Lynch in the Pro Football Hall of Fame this year. Yep, he's a finalist. I admit Safety is a vastly overlooked position when it comes to the Hall of Fame, but Lynch?  LYNCH?

I guess he was pretty good.  But let's compare Pro Football Hall of Fame candidate John Lynch to another "pretty good" Safety who will never even come close to being nominated to the Hall of Fame...the Packers' LeRoy Butler.

John Lynch (Tampa Bay Buccanneers, Denver Broncos, New England Patriots)

John Lynch Hoisting The Hardware
HIGHLIGHTS:
9x Pro Bowl
3x All Pro (1st Team)
1x All Pro (2nd Team)
1x Superbowl Champion (1 Appearance)

STATS:
13 sacks
16 FF (8 recovered)
26 INT
89 Passes Defended
0 TDs
1051 tackles (4.7 per game)
224 games


LeRoy Butler Inventing The Leap
LeRoy Butler (Green Bay Packers)

HIGHLIGHTS:
4x Pro Bowl
4x All Pro (1st Team)
90's All Decade Team
1x Superbowl Champion (2 Appearances)

STATS:
20.5 sacks
11 FF (8 recovered)
38 INT
95 Passes Defended
1 INT Return TD (Culminating in the invention of the Lambeau Leap)
726 tackles (4 per game)
181 games

So in 43 less games, Butler has 7.5 more sacks, 12 more INTs, 6 more passes defensed and a TD, while Lynch forced 5 more fumbles.  Who's the Hall of Fame nominee here?

This somehow resulted in 5 more trips to the Pro Bowl for Lynch? Based on fan voting, no doubt. Lynch always had a pretty amazing media presence, whereas LeRoy kept to himself. That will ultimately be Butler's undoing when it comes to enshrinement. It'll never happen.

Another guy who probably deserves the Hall of Fame more than Lynch?  Steve Atwater! But that's another story.

2x Super Bowl Champion, 8x Pro Bowler, 3x All Pro, 90's All Decade Team, 1180 Tackles, 24 INT



Thursday, December 22, 2016

Waving Goodbye To 2016...

I think I speak for just about everyone when I say "Fuck 2016." It's been a shitty year that won't be missed by many. Let's start with celebrity deaths. There have been more than 100 of them this year. Some really big names, too: David Bowie, Prince, Gene Wilder, Alan Rickman, Muhammad Ali. The list goes on and on. This video is a nice farewell to those we lost this year...


People die. Time is the fire in which we burn. Blah, blah, blah. I get it. It doesn't make it suck any less. 2016 was brutal. Sadly, all of the faces from my youth are getting older and grayer. I don't see it getting any easier going forward. :(

On to politics. President Trump? Seriously? What have we done, America? It continues to boggle my mind that mass amounts of people will vote against their own interests in the name of protecting guns and religion and winning the so call "war on terror." Yet here we are...again.


All of these impoverished, minority, and women voters propping up a man and a party that can't keep laws off of women's bodies and want to strip any kind of social welfare and socioeconomic safety nets down to nothing so they can give tax breaks to the 1% and add Trillions to the National Debt. His cabinet picks are the equivalent of draining the swamp and filling it back up again with toxic waste.

President Trump terrifies me. I fear for the world I'm leaving for my son. I hope for everyone's sake that I'm wrong, but I guess all we can do is wait and see.

The Cubs won the World Series after falling behind 3 games to 1? Against the Cleveland Indians? What in the actual fuck, 2016? Ugh. Crazy how close BACK TO THE FUTURE II was to predicting it! Just one year off!


I got in a car accident in November. That was no fun. Fortunately, no one was injured. Even more fortunate, my son wasn't in the car at the time. I'm not sure I could ever forgive myself if I caused that little boy harm.


The bright side? I'm back in Wisconsin again, close to family and friends. I have my health (*knock on wood*). I'm writing for PopHorror.com and enjoying that bigly (Thanks President-Elect Trump). I got a new car...a 2017 Honda Accord and I like it a lot (the car, not the payment). I may even be able to get out and see STAR WARS: ROGUE ONE before the calendar flips!


What's on tap for 2017? More writing. More reading. More exercise. Less alcohol. Better nutrition. More family time. Cross some movies from the "greatest films of all time" off of my "to watch" list. Oh, and the new Friday the 13th game!

Last, but not least, more blogging! I'm sure I'll have lots more to say in 2017 than I did in 2016. Until then, Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Happy Festivus!  Happy New year! Beef jerky time!



Thursday, October 13, 2016

Thorsday Thoughts - TV Time, Horror Writing, The Thing and The Return of the "VS." Movie!

Happy Thorsday!


How goes it, true believers? This just in: I watch too much television. I was behind before, but now that Fall is here, there are new seasons of THE FLASH, SUPERGIRL, AMERICAN HORROR STORY and MARVEL'S AGENTS OF SHIELD to contend with. Oh, and a little series called WESTWORLD. And THE WALKING DEAD is due back any day now! How am I ever going to get around to GAME OF THRONES at this rate?  First world problems, for sure.


My horror writing continues.  My latest Pop Horror articles include:

* Kathy Bates Receives Hollywood Walk of Fame Star
* It's Stephen King's Birthday! Celebrate With A Netflix Binge!
* New Friday The 13th Delayed (Again) At Paramount
* Sheri Moon Zombie Turns 46!
* SyFy's 31 Days of Halloween Schedule Announced
* Adrienne Barbeau To Receive Lifetime Achievement Award
* Wes Craven's Deadly Friend Turns 30!
* Donald Trump PhotoShopped Into Classic Horror Movies!

Fun stuff!  You should bookmark PopHorror.com and visit frequently. They have some great writers over there and new horror news and features every day!

I ordered a copy of the Shout Factory Collector's Edition of my favorite movie of all time: John Carpenter's THE THING!


I'm so excited! It will be in hand in time for Halloween. I think it deserves a special screening on my new(ish) 4K HDTV! The special features are amazing and I hear the audio has never sounded better. A new Blu-ray Special Edition of WAXWORK and WAXWORK II is also coming out this month. It's a bit pricey, but I think it will make a great birthday present...for myself!  :)

I saw this meme floating around and it really got me thinking...


Let's bring back the vs. movies!  FREDDY VS. JASON was fun!  BRIAN MILLS VS. MICHAEL MYERS sounds amazing!  How about after JOHN WICK 2 we get JOHN WICK VS. JASON VOORHEES?  Seriously, I'd pay big money for that!  JASON BOURNE VS. FREDDY KRUEGER?  JACK REACHER VS. LEATHERFACE?  These movies write themselves!

That's all for now.  Happy Halloween (if I don't post before then)!

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

The 10 Greatest Cereals Of All Time! For The Glory of Quisp!

I was listening to the radio on the way to work today and Johnny Danger from 94.1 WJJO was talking about a survey that voted for the greatest cereals of all time.  He starts out with LIFE at #97 and works his way up through APPLE JACKS at #40 and FROOT LOOPS at #38.  Then he starts talking about the Monster Cereals at #30, #27 and #17.  He rattles off a chunk of the Top 10 and then says "Guess what Number 1 is?"

*DRUMROLL*



I pump my fist and yell "YEAHHHHHHHH!!!!" at my radio when he says "QUISP!"  The greatest cereal of all time...OF ALL TIME!  Man, I loved that stuff.  My dad and my stepmother used to buy it for my brother and when we visited them on the weekends as kids and I'm pretty sure we killed an entire box, at least, every week.  It was so amazingly badass.  It's like CAP'N CRUNCH without the total roof of your mouth destruction that comes with it.

So, it's a good list.  A "Tremendous" list, if you listen to Donald Trump. They got #1 right at least.  It got me thinking about my favorite cereals.  After much deliberation (and countless thousands of boxes of cereal consumed in my youth), here they are...the Top 10 Cereals of All Time!

My profound apologies to TRIX , APPLE JACKS, LUCKY CHARMSGRAPE NUTS and HONEY BUNCHES OF OATS, which all narrowly missed my list.

#10 - FRANKENBERRY - No disrespect to COUNT CHOCULA or BOO BERRY (or even YUMMY MUMMY), but this is my favorite Monster Cereal. I love drinking the strawberry milk from the bowl at the end!

#9 - SUPER SUGAR CRISP/SUPER GOLDEN CRISP - I guess at some point it became politically incorrect to call out a cereal for what it is: pure sugar.  That's when the name changed to SUPER GOLDEN CRISP.  A shout out here to SUGAR SMACKS, which are essentially the same thing.  I "Dig 'Em!"


#8 - C3POs - C3PO is not my favorite STAR WARS character.  Not by a mile.  In fact, he kinda sucks.  Regardless, I have fond memories of eating these in the 1980's at my friend John's house.  We loved them.  Many boxes destroyed on the weekends.  I wish they still made this stuff...



#7 - COOKIE CRISP - Yum.  I could eat a box of these in one sitting, I swear. They've had a ton of mascots over the years.  Check this out:



#6 - CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH - Sugar overload!  Delicious.  Ditto eating a whole box in one sitting.  This stuff is ridiculous.  God damn it!  I have the commercial jingle in my head now!



#5 - HONEY NUT CHEERIOS - Classic.  My son loves it.  My wife loves it.  Good luck keeping a box in the house for very long.  I could do without the mascot, though.  I hate bees.



#4 - GOLDEN GRAHAMS - Yummmmmmm!  I love me some GOLDEN GRAHAMS.  There's a fine timing involved in eating these where the milk has started to soak in, but the grahams haven't gotten soggy yet.  It's an art, really.



#3 - CRACKLIN' OAT BRAN - How the hell did this cereal not even chart on that Top 100 list?  Sure, it looks and sounds like Old People Cereal(TM), but it's not.  It's fantastic!  I'm craving some now.  I might have to go buy some over lunch.




#2 - CAP'N CRUNCH PEANUT BUTTER - The classic.  The standby.  Probably the cereal I had most often growing up.  We always had a box in the house, it seemed.  I think my mom must have stopped and bought a box every night after work before coming home.  She was the greatest.  LOVE YOU, MOM!



P.S. The balloon racer on this box was amazeballs!

#1 - QUISP - I own a QUISP wrist watch.  I'm not even joking.  This stuff is the bomb.  I'm happy to say that even though the cereal was discontinued in the late 70's or early 80's, they still sell this stuff online at Amazon.com!


I think it may be time to introduce my son to the glory...





Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Beware...I LIVE!

Run!  Run!  Run!

Yes, kiddies, much like my old pal SINISTAR, I LIVE!  Gosh, it's been forever since I updated this Blog.  Where do I start?

My "Only Watch Movies I Haven't Seen" Challenge from 2015 was mostly a success.  I think I made it to September before I realized I was punishing myself more than I was doing something worthwhile.  On the bright side, I did watch a ton of new things and it was an interesting learning experience.

I got a new job.  I moved back to Wisconsin from Texas.  I survived my first Winter back in The Frozen Tundra.  The 2nd Winter is imminent.  That's how long it's been...

I haven't been writing much, but that's about to change.  I took a side gig writing for PopHorror.com!


It's only been a few weeks, but it has given me a chance to flex the old (atrophied) writing muscles again!  The articles I've published for them so far include:




Yes, so far I'm getting a reputation as "The Birthday Guy," but don't worry.  I have a bunch of cool ideas for articles and features that I'll be writing over the next few months.  Check back soon!

I Hunger...

Monday, February 16, 2015

UPDATE: The "Only Watch Movies You've Never Seen In 2015" Challenge

I'm two months in to this new year and so far I've kept my pledge to only watch films I've never seen before in 2015.  It's been difficult, in some ways, but I think the fact that being the father of a toddler has me watching less movies in general, so it's not the arduous torture I originally thought it was going to be.

This past weekend was pretty tough, though.  I have a longstanding tradition of watching FRIDAY THE 13th films on Friday the 13th and this year I wasn't able to.  I had to settle for watching a FRIDAY fan film on YouTube.



I honestly can't see I would recommend it, but at least the tradition was somewhat kept alive...and fairly.

Valentine's Day was tough, too, because I generally watch MY BLOODY VALENTINE or the MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D remake on February 14th.  Nope.  No dice.  I did, however, manage to watch a couple of old animated Disney movies that I'd surprisingly never seen because they were running on Disney channel over the weekend.

There's a website I found called Letterboxd that allows you to review and rate and track the movies you watch and I've been keeping a log there.

You can check out my Letterboxd profile at:
http://letterboxd.com/hoekstradamus/

It's a pretty nifty website.  I recommend it.



Monday, January 12, 2015

The "Only Watch Movies You've Never Seen...In 2015" Challenge!

At some point in late 2014, I realized how much time I spend sitting on the couch watching movies that I've already seen before.  It really doesn't matter what time of the day or night TOMBSTONE or DIE HARD or ALIENS or GOODFELLAS comes on, if I flip past it, I'm probably going to watch it.  But should I?  I can quote nearly every word of these films, verbatim.  Do I really need to watch them again?

That got me thinking...

What if I forced myself to only watch movies I haven't seen before?  Can it be done?  I decided to find out...

It's January 12th, 2015 and so far I haven't watched a single movie that I've seen before.  Believe it or not, it's already been pretty tough.

For the first few days of the year, I was traveling.  Did a lot of driving.  Saw family.  Enjoyed the holidays.  I avoided temptation.  Once I got back to Houston, though, I decided to see if I was up to the challenge.  I rented THE EQUALIZER.  I really enjoyed it.  One new, unseen movie down.  How many to go?

 [ Criminals Beware of Old Guys Working At Home Depot ]


This past weekend, DirecTV turned on all of its movie channels for free.  All of them.  ALL of them.  Thank God the NFL Playoffs were on.  So many movies.  So many I'd seen before.  On Saturday I rented THE GUEST from The Redbox.  I wanted to watch GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY again, but nope...I went with THE GUEST.  It was pretty good.  And I hadn't seen it.
 [ As Dio Said, "Don't Talk To Strangers."  Don't Let Them Stay In Your House, Either ]
I took THE GUEST back on Saturday night and rented FINDERS KEEPERS.  I haven't seen a good killer doll movie in a while.  I guess I still haven't.  It was okay.  I didn't realize it was made for SyFy Channel.  I probably would have skipped it, had I known that...  But hey, hadn't seen it!  ;)

[ Chucky's Place In The Pantheon of Killer Dolls Is Still Pretty Safe ]

On Sunday morning I was looking for something to watch and DirecTV was offering a lot of classics I'd already seen.  Wait, what's that?  SNAKE EYES with Nicolas Cage?  Never saw it!  I guess we'll go with that...  Not bad.  But oh God.  So.  Much.  Overacting.

[ How The F*** Did This Guy Win A Best Actor Oscar? ]
Last night I was flipping through the guide and I saw the aforementioned ALIENS.  I saw CADDYSHACK.  I saw OVER THE TOP.  PREDATOR.  Jesus...  I want to watch ALL OF THESE MOVIES ZOMG!

I settled for DJANGO UNCHAINED.  Why?  Because I hadn't seen it.

[ The D Is Silent... ]
It's going to be a long year, but I think I can do this...

At least until Friday the 13th comes around and there's a marathon on!  Am I crazy?  We're about to find out...