Funny Joke - Welfare Check

Welfare Check

A guy walks into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marches straight up to the counter and says, "You know...I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.

"You'll have to drive around in his 2010 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes."

"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips."

"This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, says, "Wow! You gotta be bullshittin' me!"

To which the social worker replies, "Yeah, well...you started it."

Maxim Cowboy Joke

I saw this in the latest issue of Maxim magazine and had to share...

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The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a cowboy walking down the street with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you walking around like this?"

The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff . I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go home with her...so I did.

We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt...so I did.

Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants...so I did.

Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did.

Then she gets on the bed, lays back and says, 'Now go to town cowboy...

"So here I am."

Vikings In The Super Bowl?

A man goes to the Minnesota Vikings ticket office and inquires about purchasing Super Bowl tickets.

The ticket teller replies that there weren't any tickets for sale because the Vikings did not make it to the Super Bowl.

The following day the same man goes to the Minnesota Vikings ticket office and inquires about purchasing Vikings Super Bowl tickets.

The ticket teller politely replies that there weren't any tickets for sale because the Vikings did not make it to the Super Bowl.

This goes on for an entire week.

The man again goes to the Viking ticket office inquiring about Super Bowl tickets and the teller says none are for sale because the Vikings did not make it to the Super Bowl.

Another week of this goes by and the man still is asking the ticket teller about Viking Super Bowl tickets.

Finally the ticket teller in a loud voice says, "I'VE TOLD YOU FOR THE LAST 2 WEEKS THERE WERE NOT ANY TICKETS AVAILABLE BECAUSE THE VIKINGS DID NOT MAKE IT TO THE SUPER BOWL!!!"

The man replied, "I know. I drive all the way from Green Bay just to hear that"