Maxim Cowboy Joke

I saw this in the latest issue of Maxim magazine and had to share...

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The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a cowboy walking down the street with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you walking around like this?"

The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff . I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go home with her...so I did.

We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt...so I did.

Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants...so I did.

Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did.

Then she gets on the bed, lays back and says, 'Now go to town cowboy...

"So here I am."

Vikings In The Super Bowl?

A man goes to the Minnesota Vikings ticket office and inquires about purchasing Super Bowl tickets.

The ticket teller replies that there weren't any tickets for sale because the Vikings did not make it to the Super Bowl.

The following day the same man goes to the Minnesota Vikings ticket office and inquires about purchasing Vikings Super Bowl tickets.

The ticket teller politely replies that there weren't any tickets for sale because the Vikings did not make it to the Super Bowl.

This goes on for an entire week.

The man again goes to the Viking ticket office inquiring about Super Bowl tickets and the teller says none are for sale because the Vikings did not make it to the Super Bowl.

Another week of this goes by and the man still is asking the ticket teller about Viking Super Bowl tickets.

Finally the ticket teller in a loud voice says, "I'VE TOLD YOU FOR THE LAST 2 WEEKS THERE WERE NOT ANY TICKETS AVAILABLE BECAUSE THE VIKINGS DID NOT MAKE IT TO THE SUPER BOWL!!!"

The man replied, "I know. I drive all the way from Green Bay just to hear that"

Six Word Stories

If you've never seen the Six Word Stories website, you should check it out:

- Six Word Stories

Here are a few I've submitted...

* Keys locked inside the car. Shit.

* How many licks, Mister Owl? Three.

* Vader is Luke's father? Dude, SPOILERS!

* Jackpot! I quit! Damn. Misread numbers.

* Sweetie, daddy drinks because you cry...

Give it a shot! They're a lot of fun!

Former Milwaukee Brewer Ben Sheets Holding Open Audition Today

Here's a new article I wrote for The Bleacher Report about former Milwaukee Brewer Ace Ben Sheets, who's holding an open audition today in Louisiana, hoping to catch on with a new (or maybe his old) club...

* Ben Sheets To Hold Open Audition Today

I know he has a history of getting hurt, but I'd still like to see him continue his career with the Brewers -- for the right price.

If I were Doug Melvin, I'd offer him a $6 million base salary + $150,000 for every game he starts in 2010 and a $250,000 bonus if he gets another All-Star nod.

But that's just me...

Aaron Rodgers - The Real 2009 NFL MVP

This past Saturday, the Indianapolis Colts' Peyton Manning accepted his NFL record 4th MVP award from the Associated Press. The thing that I noticed (and it surprised me) was that Green Bay's Aaron Rodgers didn't receive a single vote.

Did I say surprised? I think maybe I meant pissed off. Yes, the Packers lost their playoff game to Arizona yesterday in heartbreaking overtime fashion, but that doesn't diminish what Aaron Rodgers accomplished this season with the league's youngest team coming off of a 6 - 10 season.

Before the start of Sunday's game, I posted the following article, making my case for Aaron Rodgers' MVP candidacy:

- The Real 2009 NFL MVP?: Aaron Rodgers

Note that not a single user comment was made (despite several hundred reads) until AFTER the game was over. The Packers lost, and that's when the haters came out to play.

PaDespite the loss, I stand by my assessment -- Aaron Rodgers was 2009's NFL MVP.

Packers vs. Cardinals - NFC Wild Card Game at a Glance

One of my New Year's resolutions for 2010 was to write more sports articles. Here's my first step toward achieving that goal - a brief look at this weekend's Wild Card matchup between the Green Bay Packers and the Arizona Cardinals...

Check it out!

* Packers vs. Cardinals Wild Card Game at a Glance

On a semi-related note, regarding my New Year's resolutions, I watched "12 Angry Men" the other night and really enjoyed it. If I go see "Avatar" this weekend, that means I'll only have 15 movies left to see in 2010 to round out IMDB's top 50 movies of all time!

Thanks for reading.

Goals For 2010 - Here are mine. What are yours?

2010 Goals
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Another new year, another chance to motivate yourself to set and achieve your life's goals! I have numerous personal and professional items I want to accomplish in 2010 and I have listed them below for my friends and family (and pretty much everyone else) to see!

What are YOUR goals for 2010? Post them and tell all of your friends (including me) and let's motivate each other to have a successful, safe, happy, and healthy 2010!

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My Goals For 2010

By: Kenn Hoekstra
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* Ship Bonk: Brink of Extinction on XBLA, PSN and Wii

* Ship Bomberman Live Battlefest on XBLA, PSN and Wii

* Ship Quake Arena Arcade on XBLA

* Lose at least 25 pounds (35 would be better)

* Start recycling in my subdivision's recycling program

* Try to get my subdivision to join Houston's Adopt a Block program

* Get my Wisconsin driver's license re-instated

* Write and publish at least 10 sports articles

* Write and publish at least 2 game development articles

* Write a feature length screenplay

* Stay in better touch with my family by phone and e-mail

* Clean, repair and take better care of my car

* Re-design and re-launch Thundarr.com

* Update my home page (www.kennhoekstra.com) more often (at least once a month)

* Build a MAME cabinet

* Lobby for KISS's induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (without KISS, it's the hall of LAME!)


* Finish at least half of the house projects that need completing, including:

- Replace master bathroom window
- Install refrigerator water line
- Repair hole in wall in addition
- Install baseboards in addition
- Finish closet construction
- Finish drywall and painting in office
- Tear down and get old storage shed hauled away
- Curtains in dining room
- Patch and re-seed lawn
- Buy new gas range and microwave
- Buy and install new garage door openers
- Insulate attic


* Watch the movies in the IMDB Top 50 of all time I've never seen:

- 12 Angry Men
- Casablanca
- The Seven Samurai
- City of God
- Rear Window
- It's A Wonderful Life
- Dr. Strangelove
- Sunset Boulevard
- North By Northwest
- Citizen Kane
- Apocalypse Now
- Vertigo
- Lawrence of Arabia
- Amelie
- Paths of Glory
- To Kill A Mockingbird
- Avatar


* Read at least 15 books throughout the year, including, but not limited to the following:

- Pistol Poets - Victor Gischler
- Shotgun Opera - Victor Gischler
- Suicide Squeeze - Victor Gischler
- Vampire A Go Go - Victor Gischler
- Executive Power - Vince Flynn
- Memorial Day - Vince Flynn
- Consent To Kill - Vince Flynn
- Act of Treason - Vince Flynn
- Protect and Defend - Vince Flynn
- Extreme Measures - Vince Flynn
- Black Magic Sanction - Kim Harrison