Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Amazon Kindle - I Joined The Dark Side...

Thanks to a wonderfully thoughtful Christmas gift giver, I am now the proud owner of the 3rd generation Amazon Kindle (in graphite, no less)! I did it. I joined the dark side. I joined the eBook revolution!
I admit I was skeptical. I was reluctant to try it, like many people, because I just love books so much. I love how they look and feel and smell. I love everything about them. But honestly? So far I love it!

Despite my tactile love for and emotional attachment to the physical nature of books, it's my greater love for READING in general that ultimately makes the Kindle so awesome!

The visual quality is great. I haven't suffered any eye strain and I'm not having any difficulty reading the text. The battery life, from what I hear, is close to a month! Be sure to turn off the built in wireless when not in use, though, if you want to test out that claim.

Speaking of wireless, the new Kindle 3 that I have has built in WiFi and 3G support, so you can browse the Amazon Kindle store anywhere you can get a cell phone signal. How awesome is that?

But the best part? I have TONS of books (and classic literature) downloaded to my Kindle and so far, it's all been FREE! I've managed to find The Complete Works of Shakespeare, H.P. Lovecraft and Edgar Allan Poe along with classic novels like Dracula, Frankenstein, Wuthering Heights, Treasure Island, Huckleberry Finn and A Tale of Two Cities!

Want thousands of free books for your Kindle (or other e-reader)? Try:

- Project Gutenberg - The original source for over 33,000 free eBooks!
- Many Books - The best eBooks at the best price: Free!
- Planet eBook - Literature galore!
- Amazon's Kindle Store - Hundreds of free titles from the Kindle source!
- Ultimate Guide To Free Books - The title says it all!

It's amazing what's out there!

And when you start buying books, check out Amazon's Kindle Deal of the Day!

I honestly don't think the Kindle (or devices like it) will ever make me abandon physical books entirely, but in the meantime I am very much enjoying catching up on all of the literature I could ever hope to have...

Technology is amazing: thousands of books and all in the palm of my hand! And best of all? I won't have to box them up the next time I move...

Friday, December 17, 2010

QUAKE Arena Arcade XBLA Review Roundup!

As I reported earlier in the week, QUAKE Arena Arcade (my baby!) is now available on Xbox LIVE Arcade and the reviews and end user praise are starting to roll in!

Here's what reviewers are saying about the fastest paced shooter on the Xbox 360!

- SFX 360 QUAKE Arena Arcade Review - 4 Stars out of 5!

"Quake Arena Arcade is nothing but great addictive fun..."

"This game brings back what it meant to kick ass and taunt worthless opponents who think they have game."

- Game Focus Reviews QUAKE Arena Arcade - 7.2 out of 10!

"Good ol’ fast-paced Quake!"

"45 (!) Maps"

- Dealspwn QUAKE Arena Arcade Review - 8 out of 10!

"Quake Arena Arcade is blisteringly fast, packed with value and delivers a fitting revival of a classic franchise."

"Mad, crazy, brutal awesomeness..."

- IRB Gamer QUAKE Arena Arcade Review - 3 1/2 Stars out of 5

"This game was meant for big pile ups of flying lazers and gib showers..."

"Overall, the game does its job and you will get what Quake Arena has been known for. You can count on that."

- VG Revolution QUAKE Arena Arcade Review - 7.4 out of 10


"This game has infinite replay value if you want to play a classic shooter."

"If you have been a fan of this game then this is a must buy for you."

- Run DLC QUAKE Arena Arcade Review - 4 out of 5!

"For a while, it seemed like the project was in limbo, or that the developers were struggling to bring this classic franchise to Microsoft’s console. The end result easily squashed those concerns, as this fast-paced and frantic first person shooter has what it takes to become one of Live’s most popular games."

"Classic Quake experience, tons of maps, speedy online play!"

Don't believe the reviewer hype? Here's a smattering of what QUAKE Arena Arcade players are saying in gaming forums and on Twitter!

  • "Quake 3 Arena for Xbox Live Arcade! BONER!"
  • "I dare say it's the best shooter on arcade!
  • "This. This is my Christmas day, right here, if I can wrestle the controller away from my Peggle-loving family."
  • "I can say this about Quake... 1) The controls work beautifully. There's a button for a quick 180-degree spin! 2) It feels like Quake, even with a controller. 3) It's a BLAST."
  • "Quake arena arcade is the shit. $15 well spent
  • "Quake Arena for the Xbox Arcade is DOPE!
  • "That Quake Arena game is amazing! I played it and loved it. Reminds me of when i used to play it on DreamCast and PC. So want!!!!"
  • ‎"Picked up Quake 3 yesterday. They did a great job with the controls! I used to be super into the pc version for years, but adapting to the controller only took a few minutes."
  • "Quake Arena on Xbox Live? ALL AWESOME!"
So what are you waiting for? You can give the demo a whirl or queue up the full version download through Xbox Live Marketplace!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

QUAKE Arena Arcade Rocket Jumps Onto Xbox LIVE Arcade!

Pi Studios, id Software and Bethesda Softworks (and most of all, ME!) are proud to present, at long last, QUAKE Arena Arcade for Xbox LIVE Arcade!

The long awaited next-genified update of 1999's Quake III: Team Arena rocket jumps onto Live Arcade today, December 15th, 2010, for a suggested retail price of 1200 Microsoft Points ($15.00)!

From the Press Release:
  • Enter the Fragfest: Supports up to 16-player 'Free for All' and team-based battles over Xbox LIVE and System Link.
  • Deadly Arenas: Lava-filled ruins, deserted military bases and the chaotic void of outer space are your battlegrounds.
  • Quad Damage: Over 15 pick-ups, power-ups, items and runes to boost your health, armor, ammo and abilities.
  • Become an Arena Legend: Compete in over 75 missions, challenges and boss matches, in your pursuit to defeat Xaero, the Arena Champion.
  • Claw Your Way to the Top: Check your standings against other gladiators on the Xbox LIVE leader boards and earn up to 12 achievements as you fight your way to fame.
  • Hone Your Skills: Create a custom bot-match in any arena, in any game type.
The game features:
  • High Definition, Widescreen Picture!
  • Fully customizable, re-mappable control scheme!
  • Twelve never before seen maps alongside 33 classic id Software Arenas!
  • All new single player campaign and single player challenge modes!
  • 16 Player Multiplayer Support!
  • Offline play vs. bots with greatly improved artificial intelligence!
  • New Character Team and Sport Skins!
  • Enhanced visual effects, including bloom and glare!
  • Dolby 5.1 surround sound!
  • Remastered Audio and New Music Tracks!
Hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide your husband cause they’re QUAKE-in everybody out here!

You can give the demo a whirl or queue up the full version download through Xbox Live Marketplace!

Remember Rule #1: FRAG Anything That Isn't You!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Twitter Contest - Disturbing Sitcoms!

In the same comedic, pun-ny vein as "NBA Novels" and "MLB Novels," the latest Twitter hash tag contest to earn huge belly laughs from me (and what a huge belly it is) is: #DisturbingSitcoms!

Here are some of my favorites:

Buried With Children
The OJ Simpsons
10 and Pregnant
How I Killed Your Mother
The Golden Shower Girls
Jersey Sore
Doogie Howser, OBGYN
Who Wants To Be Chamillionaire
Hood Times
8 Simple Rules For Raping My Teenage Daughter
Gonorrhea Or No Deal
Crappy Days
Two Guys, A Girl & A Pregnancy Test
Gilligan's Hymen
I Dream of Weenie
Survivor: Riker's Island
The Vampire Diarrheas
America's Funniest Home Wreckers
Parks and Masturbation
The Cosby Shower
Manson In The Middle
Sabrina The Teenage Bitch
T.J.'s Dead Hooker
Mad About Goo
Pimp My Wife
Hogan's Herpes
Groin Pains
$#!% Sarah Palin Says
How I Met Your Brother
Drunky Brewster

And a few I submitted...

Laverne & Scurvy
Charles Been Charged
My Two 'Nads

And my all time favorite, courtesy of my old friend Jake Simpson...

...Porkin' Mindy!

On Twitter? Come follow me at

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Bomb Up! Bomberman Live: Battlefest Arrives On Xbox LIVE Arcade!

As many of you know, I've been working as the developer side Producer/Project Lead on Bomberman Live: Battlefest with Pi Studios and Hudson Entertainment for some time now. The game released yesterday, December 8th, 2010, on Xbox LIVE Arcade and I have to say, I'm very proud of what we accomplished with this title!

Bomberman Live: Battlefest is the sequel to 2008's Bomberman Live and it features improved Artificial Intelligence, Completely Re-Written Networking Code and a host of other improvements, enhancements and fixes to go along with a s*** ton of new content and gameplay features!

If you decide you want to check out Bomberman Live: Battlefest, here's what you can expect...

* Up to 8 Player Multiplayer
* 15 New Arenas!
* 17 Power-Ups (Including 5 Brand New Power Ups)!
* 9 New Game Modes!
* All New Team games!
* Tons of New Costumes!
* Play as Your Avatar!
* New Music!
* AWESOME: Mix and match gimmicks with game modes to make your own custom matches!!!

Interested? Check out this early preview and download the FREE trial mode before you buy! And when you DO buy, you get all this for a mere 800 Microsoft Points (that's ten bucks to you and me)!

What are you waiting for? Grab some Bomberman Live: Battlefest and have a (*ahem*) BLAST!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Six Million Dollar Man Arrives On DVD!

Six Million Dollar Man fans rejoice! The awesomely iconic 1970's television show is FINALLY available on DVD after years trapped in development (and legal) hell!

I was watching Oprah (don't ask why) and saw Lee Majors was going to make an appearance. It seemed pretty random at the time, but then it dawned on me that it must have finally happened...the long awaited release of SMDM on DVD! And I was right!

All six seasons of the show are available in one deluxe boxed set for the first time ever from Time Life. The set includes loads of extras, custom packaging, all three reunion movies and all of the crossover episodes from The Bionic Woman!

Basically, it's everything a Six Million Dollar Man fan could ask for! Well...unless that fan has already joined the Blu-Ray camp. In that case, your wait will be just a little longer, it seems.

For a full review of the Boxed Set, check out this write up from Film School Rejects. All in all, it sounds like it's a pretty sweet set!

For ordering information, head over to Time Life's Website for all the details!

First Thundarr The Barbarian on DVD and now The Six Million Dollar Man? Happy Holidays, indeed, in 2010!

Friday, November 12, 2010

I'm Famous! (Infamous?)

Recently a mysterious sighting off the coast of California (of what appeared to be a missile launch) threw the Twitterverse into an uproar.

I, personally, jokingly Tweeted about the event with a link to a news article coupled with the comment: "If you misplaced a missile off the coast of California, the U.S. Government would like to have a few words with you..."

My Fark headline styled Tweet was spotted by someone at CBS News and is used in this video around the 1:32 mark:

Kind of random, but still fun. Who would have thought I'd make an appearance on the national news purely for being a smartass?

Well...who other than me? =)

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Thoughts On Superman: Man of Steel

It was recently announced that Zack Snyder would be helming the Superman franchise reboot for DC and Warner Bros. with Christopher Nolan producing... It seems like the movie franchise is finally in good hands for the first time since Richard Donner's original go of it in 1978!

Even more good news... After early reports and speculation from the movie going community, Snyder revealed today that General Zod as the new film's villain is "just a rumor." Good for you, Zack. That's a great step one!

You want my advice? No? Well here it is anyway...

Reboot means reboot. Superman: Man of Steel does NOT need General Zod. It does not need Lex Luthor as the main villain. It does not need to be a full origin story. In fact, it doesn't really need ANYTHING from the first 5 movies in the series.

With that in mind, here is how "I" would write the movie if he put me in charge of the script...

Superman would be very his early to mid 20's. He would be leaving the Kent farm after a forgettable, sheltered youth with the intention of being Superman full time. While he is out patrolling for crime, there is an explosion at a LuthorCorp nuclear facility. A night janitor, caught in the explosion, is turned into the power sucking creature known as...The Parasite!

Superman battles with the Parasite and works with Star Labs to find a way to stop him while the two battle back and forth throughout the film. When Star Labs is stumped, Superman meets with Lex Luthor about the accident and the two develop a tense rivalry while working together to resolve the Parasite conundrum.

In the end, Superman and Lex Luthor defeat the Parasite. Despite Lex's help, Superman is left with a number of questions about Luthor and his company's dealings. He decides that in order to keep a closer eye on Luthor, he will resume his Clark Kent identity and become an investigative reporter for the Daily Planet.

The movie closes with Clark getting set up at his newsroom desk and being assigned to one of the Planet's best reporters to be shown the ropes. The last scene of the movie would be Lois Lane walking up and introducing herself to an instantly love struck Clark Kent. Roll Credits.

No rehashed villains. No origin story. No Kryptonite. Just a good old fashioned reboot... And the perfect setup for a romantic relationship based sequel featuring the development of the rivalry with Luthor and yet another new villain... Metallo, perhaps?

Zack Snyder, if you're reading this, I'll write the script for! I'm not greedy. I'd just be excited to see a DC hero (other than Batman) finally get a just treatment in a Hollywood film. And who knows? If it works out, maybe I can tell you my idea for a Wonder Woman film sometime...

Good luck with Superman: Man of Steel, Zack! Up, up and AWAY!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Thundarr The Barbarian Released On DVD!

As some of you are probably aware, I own a little corner of the web dedicated to the old NBC Television cartoon series Thundarr The Barbarian. For about 10 years now, I've been petitioning Warner Bros. and Cartoon Network to release the series on DVD.

That day, it seems, has arrived!

Check it out: Thundarr The Barbarian on DVD : The Official Release From Warner Bros.

Just in time for my birthday! I personally thing WB should send me a copy for all of my Thundarr promotion over the years, but hey, who am I to complain? I'm just excited it's finally out!

Go snag a copy for your kids (who am I kidding, you want this bad boy for yourself!) today!

Ariel! Ookla! Riiiiiiide!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Rock & Roll Hall of Lame

There's a reason "Burn the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame to the ground" is in the Top 3 things on my Bucket List (after win the lottery and marry Kate Beckinsdale, not necessarily in that order). The whole thing just plain sucks...

[ Rock & Roll Hall of Flames ]

Year after year I watch undeserving, underwhelming acts and individuals make their way into the not so hallowed halls of this institutional mockery (this year's list of 2011 nominees is no exception).

Who am I referring to? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a sampling of Rock & Roll Hall of LAMERS:

- Bonnie Raitt
- The Lovin' Spoonful
- Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five
- Brenda Lee
- The O'Jays

No, seriously. I'm not joking. Look it up. These are the best of the best. The cream of the crop. Hall of f'ing FAMERS!

Where is...?

- KISS - More Gold records than any group in HISTORY, including the Beatles. Gave AC/DC (Hall of Famers), Van Halen (Hall of Famers), Bon Jovi (HoF Nominees), Cheap Trick, Rush and Judas Priest (among others) their first opportunities as opening acts on their tours. The most visually recognizable band worldwide in history?

- Rush - Sales statistics place them third behind The Beatles and The Rolling Stones for the most consecutive gold or platinum studio albums by a rock band.

- Judas Priest - Ushered in the new wave of British hard rock/heavy metal. Pioneered the dual guitar attack in metal. Easily one of the most influential metal bands of the last 40 years.

- Motorhead - Without Motorhead (and Judas Priest), there is no Metallica, yet Metallica is sitting in the Hall of Lame. Motorhead are the pioneers of thrash metal.

- Pat Benetar - Who's more important to Rock...Pat Benetar or Brenda Lee? Brenda who? Exactly. If you grew up in the 70s and 80s, you knew an army of girls who wanted to BE Pat Benetar when they grew up.

But why stop there? What about Boston? Cheap Trick? Grand Funk Railroad? Bad Company? Foreigner? Def Leppard? Peter Frampton? Dio? Journey?

For God's sake, Alice Cooper is being nominated for the VERY FIRST TIME this year!

You see what I'm saying? Admit it...the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is a joke.

But take heart, folks. One day, Ms. Beckinsdale and I will fly to Cleveland in our private jet and I will personally burn that motherf***er down. And when it's finished, I'm going to piss on the ashes...right where The Righteous Brothers exhibit used to be.

Count on it.

Friday, September 24, 2010

NEW Twitter Contest - Major League Baseball Themed Novels!

Along the same line as the previously posted NBA Themed Novels (hashtag #NBANovels), another (follow up) trending topic on Twitter recently was Major League Baseball themed novels! (hashtag #MLBNovels).

Once again, there were thousands of them submitted by Twitter users from all over the world!

Here are some of the best ones I saw...


War Of The World Series

Uncle Tommy John's Cabin

The Yount of Monte Cristo**

Broke Bat Mountain

The Joy of Sexson

The Lidges of Madison County

The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter Pence

Green Eggs And Hamilton

Catcher Gets An RBI

Uncle Tom's Glavine

Oliva Twist

The Grapes Of Werth

The Old Man And The Selig

Braves New World

The Day The Werth Stood Still

The Joy Kruk Club

For Whom The Beltran Tolls

The Reds Badge of Courage

Hart of Darkness*

A Tale of Twin Cities

The Tell-Tale Hart

Animal Farm Team

The Invisible Manny

The Island Of Dr. Morneau

How Stella Got Hargrove Back

The Scarlet Fetters

Mein Kemp

* Submittted By Me
** My Personal Favorite

Fun stuff!

If you're on Twitter, come follow me at and/or

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Twitter Contest - NBA Themed Novels!

A trending topic on Twitter recently was NBA Themed Novels (hashtag #NBANovels). Over the course of the day, there were thousands of them submitted by Tweeps all over the world!

Here are some of the best ones that I saw flying by...

Pippen Longstocking

Dr J & Mr. Hyde

The Giving Tree Rollins

Artest of the D'Urbervilles

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Suns

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finley

I'll Kill You For Mocking Bird*

The Raja Bell Jar

Oscar And Lew Alcindor*

Lebron James and the Giant Peach

Great ExpecTayshauns**

The Grapes of Shaq

Redd Badge of Courage*

Charlie Ward and the Chocolate Factory

A Passage To Indiana*

Majerle and Me


Mein Schrempf

Spud's Webb

The Power And The Horry

Clyde And Prejudice

East of Oden

The Remains of Todd Day

East of Eaton

P.S. I Love Yao

Doc Rivers Runs Through It

War And Pierce

Diary of Anne Frank Brickowski

The Silence of the Laimbeers

One flew over the Kukoc Nets

All's Quiet In The Western Conference

* Submittted By Me
** My Personal Favorite

Fun stuff! Thought I'd share... Oh, and if you're on Twitter, come follow me at and

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Popsicle Funnies - Kid Friendly Jokes

There's nothing quite like a funny, clean kid friendly joke, is there? I get a kick out of 'em... Here's a couple of gems inspired by the funnies printed on Pospicle sticks nowadays:

Q: What kind of car does an electrician drive?
A: A Volts-wagon!

Q: Which comic book hero lives in a pot?
A: Soup-erman!

Q: Why did the tree refuse to play Checkers?
A: Because it was a Chess-nut!

Q: What is E.T. short for?
A: Because he has tiny legs!

Q: Why was the computer cold?
A: It forgot to close its Windows!

Q: What do you call a row of dolls?
A: A Barbie-Queue!

Where does the Easter Bunny get his breakfast?

And finally...

Q: Did you hear they found a cure for Swine Flu?
A: It's called Oinkment!

Wanna hear more? Follow me on Twitter:

Monday, September 6, 2010

Harden The Fuck Up!

Wusses. Pansies. Pussies. Whiners. Complainers. Crying, Emo, Milktoast "Oh Woe Is Me" Crybaby FML Douchebags. We see them. We know them. We loathe them...

I found the perfect gift for these so called "men." A desktop wallpaper for the ages to remind them that their itsy bitsy teenie weenie wittle pwobwems could be a just a tiny little bit fucking worse...

[ Click Image (or Here) For Full Size Version ]

If that doesn't work? There's always Man The Fuck Up Camp!

You're welcome...

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Badgers vs. UNLV Preview + Contemplating Matt Leinart's Future

I continue to write Sports articles for The Bleacher Report when I find time. My latest articles are a preview of tonight's Wisconsin Badgers vs. UNLV Runnin' Rebels college football game in Las Vegas:

- Badgers vs. UNLV Preview: By The Numbers

And a speculative article that contemplates the future of Quarterback Matt Leinart following his unexpected release from the Arizona Cardinals today:

- Arizona Cardinals Release Matt Leinart: A Look At His Potential Landing Spots

Check them out if you get a chance! Feedback is always appreciated...

Thanks for stopping by! Are you ready for some football?

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Brewers Give Bud Selig A Statue: Why Not Paul Molitor?

I wrote a new article for The Bleacher Report after witnessing the unveiling of the Bud Selig statue outside of Miller Park this week.

You can read it here:

- Brewers Give Bud Selig A Statue: Why Not Paul Molitor?

When I heard the only other statues at the park were Robin Yount and Hank Aaron, I wondered where Molly was. I think a lot of people do...

Have a read and tell me what you think!

Monday, August 9, 2010

The New Artist & Illustrator's Creed: "Fuck You, Pay Me!"

Remember the scene in Goodfellas? Henry Hill (Ray Liotta) is talking about his collection experience with Jimmy Conway (Robert DeNiro):

"Business is bad? Fuck you, pay me. Oh, you had a fire? Fuck you, pay me. The place got hit by lightning, huh? Fuck you, pay me."

A friend of mine wrote an article recently called How NOT To Hire an Artist. Mr. Jones's article makes some great points and it reminded me of the following rant that someone brought to my attention a while back.

This was posted (and quickly removed) on Craigslist as an open letter to artists and illustrators to warn them of the danger of giving away their talents and services free (or at extremely discounted rates).

As I have many friends who are artists and I've found that the same is true for writers (word artists), I thought I would repeat the post in my blog as a way to pay this Public Service Announcement forward. Enjoy!


Every day, there are more and more Craigs List posts seeking “artists” for everything from auto graphics to comic books to corporate logo designs. More people are finding themselves in need of some form of illustrative service.

But what they’re NOT doing, unfortunately, is realizing how rare someone with these particular talents can be.

To those who are “seeking artists”, let me ask you; How many people do you know, personally, with the talent and skill to perform the services you need? A dozen? Five? One? …none?

More than likely, you don’t know any. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be posting on craigslist to find them.

And this is not really a surprise.

In this country, there are almost twice as many neurosurgeons as there are professional illustrators. There are eleven times as many certified mechanics. There are SEVENTY times as many people in the IT field.

So, given that they are less rare, and therefore less in demand, would it make sense to ask your mechanic to work on your car for free? Would you look him in the eye, with a straight face, and tell him that his compensation would be the ability to have his work shown to others as you drive down the street?

Would you offer a neurosurgeon the “opportunity” to add your name to his resume as payment for removing that pesky tumor? (Maybe you could offer him “a few bucks” for “materials”. What a deal!)

Would you be able to seriously even CONSIDER offering your web hosting service the chance to have people see their work, by viewing your website, as their payment for hosting you?

If you answered “yes” to ANY of the above, you’re obviously insane. If you answered “no”, then kudos to you for living in the real world.

But then tell me… why would you think it is okay to live out the same, delusional, ridiculous fantasy when seeking someone whose abilities are even less in supply than these folks?

Graphic artists, illustrators, painters, etc., are skilled tradesmen. As such, to consider them as, or deal with them as, anything less than professionals fully deserving of your respect is both insulting and a bad reflection on you as a sane, reasonable person. In short, it makes you look like a twit.

A few things you need to know;

1. It is not a “great opportunity” for an artist to have his work seen on your car/’zine/website/bedroom wall, etc. It IS a “great opportunity” for YOU to have their work there.

2. It is not clever to seek a “student” or “beginner” in an attempt to get work for free. It’s ignorant and insulting. They may be “students”, but that does not mean they don’t deserve to be paid for their hard work. You were a “student” once, too. Would you have taken that job at McDonalds with no pay, because you were learning essential job skills for the real world? Yes, your proposition it JUST as stupid.

3. The chance to have their name on something that is going to be seen by other people, whether it’s one or one million, is NOT a valid enticement. Neither is the right to add that work to their “portfolio”. They get to do those things ANYWAY, after being paid as they should. It’s not compensation. It’s their right, and it’s a given.

4. Stop thinking that you’re giving them some great chance to work. Once they skip over your silly ad, as they should, the next ad is usually for someone who lives in the real world, and as such, will pay them. There are far more jobs needing these skills than there are people who possess these skills.

5. Students DO need “experience”. But they do NOT need to get it by giving their work away. In fact, this does not even offer them the experience they need. Anyone who will not/can not pay them is obviously the type of person or business they should be ashamed to have on their resume anyway. Do you think professional contractors list the “experience” they got while nailing down a loose step at their grandmother’s house when they were seventeen?

If you your company or gig was worth listing as desired experience, it would be able to pay for the services it received. The only experience they will get doing free work for you is a lesson learned in what kinds of scrubs they should not lower themselves to deal with.

6. (This one is FOR the artists out there, please pay attention.) Some will ask you to “submit work for consideration”. They may even be posing as some sort of “contest”. These are almost always scams. They will take the work submitted by many artists seeking to win the “contest”, or be “chosen” for the gig, and find what they like most. They will then usually have someone who works for them, or someone who works incredibly cheap because they have no originality or talent of their own, reproduce that same work, or even just make slight modifications to it, and claim it as their own. You will NOT be paid, you will NOT win the contest. The only people who win, here, are the underhanded folks who run these ads. This is speculative, or “spec”, work. It’s risky at best, and a complete scam at worst. I urge you to avoid it, completely. For more information on this subject, please visit

So to artists/designers/illustrators looking for work, do everyone a favor, ESPECIALLY yourselves, and avoid people who do not intend to pay you. Whether they are “spec” gigs, or just some guy who wants a free mural on his living room walls. They need you. You do NOT need them.

And for those who are looking for someone to do work for free… please wake up and join the real world. The only thing you’re accomplishing is to insult those with the skills you need. Get a clue.


"Need some art? Fuck you, pay me! An illustration? Fuck you, pay me!"

Monday, June 28, 2010

Funny Joke - Welfare Check

Welfare Check

A guy walks into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marches straight up to the counter and says, "You know...I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.

"You'll have to drive around in his 2010 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes."

"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips."

"This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, says, "Wow! You gotta be bullshittin' me!"

To which the social worker replies, "Yeah, started it."

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

The Other "Memorial Day" (By Vince Flynn)

A friend of mine turned me on to political thriller author Vince Flynn, a novelist who is a regular on the New York Times Bestseller list. I've been working my way through his catalog over the last year or so and I have to say, so far it's been a lot more hit than miss.

In a bit of cosmic irony, I finished his novel "Memorial Day" on Memorial Day. It wasn't planned. I had no intention of doing it. But the honest truth is, I couldn't put it down. I had been reading a chapter or two a morning before work, but I blew through the last 100 pages or so on Memorial Day because I just HAD to finish it. It was that good.

If you're looking for a new author to check out, give Vince Flynn a try. His first novel, "Term Limits," is VERY good. His 2nd novel, "Transfer of Power," introduces Flynn's staple character Mitch Rapp (the cornerstone of all the subsequent books). If you like those two books, you'll enjoy all of Flynn's stuff...and his catalog will keep you buys for a while.

On a different note, if you're a fan of MY writing (lol), was kind enough to pick up one of my other entries:


Thanks for stopping by.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Movie Reviews and a Published Six Word Story

I've done a few more single tweet movie reviews on Twitter for Iron Man 2, Robin Hood, Big Fan, Legion, The New Daughter, Daybreakers and The Road (it's been a busy month of momie watching)! You can check those out at:

- also published one of my Six Word Stories:


It was submitted a long time ago and I don't think it's one of my best, but I can't complain. I'm a published author again. =)

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

GameSauce Article + Milwaukee Brewers Article

I've been on a bit of a writing kick lately, which is a good thing. I'm trying to stay sharp and motivated so I can get my ass moving on my screenplay and on a mystery story I've been outlining. In the meantime, though, I have video game development and I have the Milwaukee Brewers.

If you haven't seen GameSauce Magazine, you should really check it out. Great stuff! They had a fantastic debut issue a few months back that really got my attention. So much so, in fact, I asked if I could contribute to issue #2. I was pleasantly surprised when they said yes. The result? A collaborative effort with a friend (and fellow Producer) of mine, Dan Magaha:

- Producers: Essential Glue For Any Project or Useless Bags of Meat?

Opinions will vary on whether or not I am glue or meat, I'm sure, but I think the article makes some good points. I had a lot of fun writing it.

Something that isn't as fun for me is the Milwaukee Brewers' 2010 season so far. At 15-24, they aren't looking very good. A lot of fans are calling for Ken Macha's head on a platter. I analyze those feelings in:

- Ken Macha: Can The Struggling Milwaukee Brewers Really Blame Him?

I'm leaning toward "Yes, fire him" myself, but I also realize the team is underachieving in all phases of the game and the free agents who were brought in to help the team just aren't producing. The team needs a spark. I'm not sure if Macha can give them a spark or if it's going to take him being fired to ignite this team.

If the Brewers keep losing, though, we'll probably find out soon enough.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Bennett: "You're getting old, John!"

About ten years ago, I made a comment to a co-worker about how I was feeling old. I was about 26 at the time and I was reading a copy of Playboy Magazine. I saw the centerfold was born in 1982 and I was like "Christ, I remember 1982. Vividly. I feel so old."

My friend Bob told me, "Take heart, Kenn. You're not old. Now when you pick up a copy of Playboy Magazine and you realize that the Playmate of the month was born the year you graduated high school...THEN you'll feel old."

That happened yesterday.

This month's Playboy centerfold was born on October 21st, 1991...the same year I graduated high school.

*heavy sigh*

"Let off some steam, Bennett!"

Monday, May 17, 2010

Ronnie James Dio (1942 - 2010) Remembered

"Horns at half mast," laments Anthrax's Scott Ian, speaking of the death of Heavy Metal Icon Ronnie James Dio, who passed away Sunday after a battle with stomach cancer. The metal world mourns the legend of diminutive stature and megalithic voice and so, too, do I.

Roughly 11 years ago (give or take), I was coming home from a friend's house after a night of beer drinking and hell raising. I shouldn't have been driving, undoubtedly, but I was young and stupid. What was I at that point? 26, I guess. Time flies...

Anyway, I had recently purchased an engagement ring for my girlfriend at the time, but I hadn't yet proposed. I was driving home in my 1997 Chevy Cavalier to our cramped, one bedroom apartment that was barely big enough for one of us, much less both of us. I don't know how we managed, but somehow we made due.

I was tired and I was listening to the radio to stay awake. I had it tuned to 94.1 JJO -- a Madison, Wisconsin radio station that had adopted a metal format in the past year. The DJ said it was time to play a classic from the Sunset Superman and suddenly "Rainbow in the Dark" was coming out of the speakers.

I cranked the radio and banged my head, holding a cigarette in one hand and making devil horns with the other. I was suddenly wide awake and flush with adrenaline. I was psyched up by the power of metal and I was glad to be alive!

Suddenly, it hit me. The time was right. I needed to go home and propose...right fucking now. "Rainbow in the Dark" had inspired me to charge forward with my life!

Here I was, coming home at some obscene hour - drunk - down on one knee. I asked my girlfriend to marry me. I don't know why she said yes, but she did. Probably to get me to shut the fuck up and go to sleep so she could get up and work in a few hours. =)

That wasn't the first time Ronnie James Dio had inspired me with his music to feel alive and do something bold or crazy with my life. And now, despite his passing, I can assure you it won't be the last.

Rest in peace, my metal friend. Your legend is forever!

Monday, April 19, 2010

More Six Word Stories

I've submitted some more Six Word Stories to

They are:

- Fat. Switched to diet soda. Cancer.
- My mother shot me once. Once.
- Black Flag doesn’t kill software bugs.
- Long drive...home run! Damn. Foul.

None of them were chosen as featured tales, but they're still fun anyway. I dig 'em.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Three New Sports Articles

Continuing my fledgling career as an amateur sportswriter, I've written three new articles for the Bleacher Report over the past few weeks.

Check them out!

- Packers 2010 NFL Draft: 13 Experts Weigh in on Pick 23

- 2010 NFL Draft: League Awards Compensatory Draft Choices

- Kicker Carousel Keeps Spinning: Neil Rackers, Former Cardinal, Signs with Texans

With the Milwaukee Bucks in the NBA Playoffs, the NFL Draft next week and Baseball season in full swing, you can probably expect more soon.

Thanks for reading!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Easter Update

If you want to see some funny (and scary) pics of Easter Bunnies gone bad, check out:


It's pretty awesome!

Beyond Easter, today has special significance for me. It was two years ago, April 4th, 2008, that I quit smoking! It's hard to believe how fast time has flown by. One of the best decisions I've ever made!

If you're interested in quitting smoking and you haven't had any luck going cold turkey or with the patch or the gum, ask your doctor about Chantix. It worked wonders for me!

Happy Easter, everyone!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Go Ahead...Ask Me Anything!

I'm jumping on the new Formspring bandwagon -- a kick that a bunch of my Game Developer friends have been on lately.

Check it out:

- Ask Me Anything!

Answers to follow shortly!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Video Game Developers On Twitter!

Want to quickly and easily follow a ton of Video Game Developer updates on Twitter? Check out my new game developer Twitter list!

* Video Game Developer List on Twitter

Tweet, Tweet!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Guinness and Beef Stew (Happy St. Patrick's Day!)

Guinness and Beef Stew By: Michael Raymond-Judy

Difficulty: Easy
Yield: 6 servings

2 to 2½ pounds stewing beef
2 tablespoons flour
1 tsp cayenne
2 large onions, coarsely chopped
2 cups thickly diced carrots
3 medium to large potatoes, cut into 1” chunks
2 garlic cloves, crushed
2 tablespoons tomato paste, dissolved in 4 tablespoons water
2 12oz. bottles of Guinness
Olive oil
Sprig of fresh thyme or basil
1 bay leaf
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
Chopped parsley (for garnish)

Prepare carrots, onion, garlic before beginning. Do not prepare potatoes until ready to add them.

Trim the meat of any fat or gristle, and cut into 2-inch cubes.

In a small bowl, season the flour with salt, pepper and cayenne.

Toss beef with 1 tablespoon olive oil.

Toss meat with seasoned flour.

Heat 2 to 4 tablespoons oil in a large skillet over high heat (thinly coat bottom of skillet).

Brown the meat on all sides. If meat begins to stick to bottom of skillet, drizzle in small amount of olive oil or water until it no longer sticks.

Reduce the heat; add the onions, crushed garlic and tomato puree to the skillet. Cover, and cook gently for 5-8 minutes.

Transfer the contents of the skillet to a casserole (or a large pan with tightly-sealed lid).

Pour a third to a half bottle of Guinness into the skillet.

Bring the Guinness to a boil and stir to dissolve the caramelized meat juices on the pan.

Pour over the meat, along with the other full bottle of Guinness (save the half bottle for later!).

Add the carrots, bay leaf and thyme. Stir and adjust seasonings.

Cover the casserole/pan and simmer over low heat, or in a 300° F oven until the meat is tender, (2 to 3 hours).

Adjust seasoning as needed (salt, pepper and garlic are the likely needed additions).

If needed, let stew rest until about an hour before serving, allowing for bringing temperature back to cooking level.

About 45 minutes before serving:

Prepare the potatoes (leave skin on or not to preference)
Add potatoes and remaining half bottle of Guinness (you didn’t drink it did you?)
Simmer until potatoes are fork tender.

Season to taste.

Garnish with parsley, serve and enjoy!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Some Funny Links + Corey Haim and Peter Graves Remembered

Stumbled across some funnies today and thought I'd share...

- The 13 Funniest Help Wanted Signs EVER

- Uncomfortable Movie Plot Summaries

Bonus: William Shatner's rap from the end of the movie Free Enterprise in honor of today -- the Ides of March -- William Shatner: No Tears For Caesar!!!

On a more somber note, I am saddened by the passing of actors Corey Haim and Peter Graves this past week. Together you brought many laughs into my life (in addition to some impossible missions) and I want to thank you both for that.

Gone too soon. =(

Monday, February 22, 2010

Single Tweet Movie Reviews on Twitter

I just started a little side project that involves reviewing movies and DVDs on Twitter using a single Tweet - 140 characters or less.

You can check it out here:

* Film Reviews In 140 Characters

Only two reviews so far - "Black Dynamite" and "Avatar," but you can rest assured there will be many more soon.

Come follow FilmReviewIn140 on Twitter!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Maxim Cowboy Joke

I saw this in the latest issue of Maxim magazine and had to share...


The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a cowboy walking down the street with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you walking around like this?"

The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff . I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go home with I did.

We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my I did.

Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my I did.

Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my I did.

Then she gets on the bed, lays back and says, 'Now go to town cowboy...

"So here I am."

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Vikings In The Super Bowl?

A man goes to the Minnesota Vikings ticket office and inquires about purchasing Super Bowl tickets.

The ticket teller replies that there weren't any tickets for sale because the Vikings did not make it to the Super Bowl.

The following day the same man goes to the Minnesota Vikings ticket office and inquires about purchasing Vikings Super Bowl tickets.

The ticket teller politely replies that there weren't any tickets for sale because the Vikings did not make it to the Super Bowl.

This goes on for an entire week.

The man again goes to the Viking ticket office inquiring about Super Bowl tickets and the teller says none are for sale because the Vikings did not make it to the Super Bowl.

Another week of this goes by and the man still is asking the ticket teller about Viking Super Bowl tickets.


The man replied, "I know. I drive all the way from Green Bay just to hear that"

Monday, January 25, 2010

Six Word Stories

If you've never seen the Six Word Stories website, you should check it out:

- Six Word Stories

Here are a few I've submitted...

* Keys locked inside the car. Shit.

* How many licks, Mister Owl? Three.

* Vader is Luke's father? Dude, SPOILERS!

* Jackpot! I quit! Damn. Misread numbers.

* Sweetie, daddy drinks because you cry...

Give it a shot! They're a lot of fun!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Former Milwaukee Brewer Ben Sheets Holding Open Audition Today

Here's a new article I wrote for The Bleacher Report about former Milwaukee Brewer Ace Ben Sheets, who's holding an open audition today in Louisiana, hoping to catch on with a new (or maybe his old) club...

* Ben Sheets To Hold Open Audition Today

I know he has a history of getting hurt, but I'd still like to see him continue his career with the Brewers -- for the right price.

If I were Doug Melvin, I'd offer him a $6 million base salary + $150,000 for every game he starts in 2010 and a $250,000 bonus if he gets another All-Star nod.

But that's just me...

Monday, January 11, 2010

Aaron Rodgers - The Real 2009 NFL MVP

This past Saturday, the Indianapolis Colts' Peyton Manning accepted his NFL record 4th MVP award from the Associated Press. The thing that I noticed (and it surprised me) was that Green Bay's Aaron Rodgers didn't receive a single vote.

Did I say surprised? I think maybe I meant pissed off. Yes, the Packers lost their playoff game to Arizona yesterday in heartbreaking overtime fashion, but that doesn't diminish what Aaron Rodgers accomplished this season with the league's youngest team coming off of a 6 - 10 season.

Before the start of Sunday's game, I posted the following article, making my case for Aaron Rodgers' MVP candidacy:

- The Real 2009 NFL MVP?: Aaron Rodgers

Note that not a single user comment was made (despite several hundred reads) until AFTER the game was over. The Packers lost, and that's when the haters came out to play.

PaDespite the loss, I stand by my assessment -- Aaron Rodgers was 2009's NFL MVP.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Packers vs. Cardinals - NFC Wild Card Game at a Glance

One of my New Year's resolutions for 2010 was to write more sports articles. Here's my first step toward achieving that goal - a brief look at this weekend's Wild Card matchup between the Green Bay Packers and the Arizona Cardinals...

Check it out!

* Packers vs. Cardinals Wild Card Game at a Glance

On a semi-related note, regarding my New Year's resolutions, I watched "12 Angry Men" the other night and really enjoyed it. If I go see "Avatar" this weekend, that means I'll only have 15 movies left to see in 2010 to round out IMDB's top 50 movies of all time!

Thanks for reading.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Goals For 2010 - Here are mine. What are yours?

2010 Goals
Another new year, another chance to motivate yourself to set and achieve your life's goals! I have numerous personal and professional items I want to accomplish in 2010 and I have listed them below for my friends and family (and pretty much everyone else) to see!

What are YOUR goals for 2010? Post them and tell all of your friends (including me) and let's motivate each other to have a successful, safe, happy, and healthy 2010!

My Goals For 2010

By: Kenn Hoekstra

* Ship Bonk: Brink of Extinction on XBLA, PSN and Wii

* Ship Bomberman Live Battlefest on XBLA, PSN and Wii

* Ship Quake Arena Arcade on XBLA

* Lose at least 25 pounds (35 would be better)

* Start recycling in my subdivision's recycling program

* Try to get my subdivision to join Houston's Adopt a Block program

* Get my Wisconsin driver's license re-instated

* Write and publish at least 10 sports articles

* Write and publish at least 2 game development articles

* Write a feature length screenplay

* Stay in better touch with my family by phone and e-mail

* Clean, repair and take better care of my car

* Re-design and re-launch

* Update my home page ( more often (at least once a month)

* Build a MAME cabinet

* Lobby for KISS's induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (without KISS, it's the hall of LAME!)

* Finish at least half of the house projects that need completing, including:

- Replace master bathroom window
- Install refrigerator water line
- Repair hole in wall in addition
- Install baseboards in addition
- Finish closet construction
- Finish drywall and painting in office
- Tear down and get old storage shed hauled away
- Curtains in dining room
- Patch and re-seed lawn
- Buy new gas range and microwave
- Buy and install new garage door openers
- Insulate attic

* Watch the movies in the IMDB Top 50 of all time I've never seen:

- 12 Angry Men
- Casablanca
- The Seven Samurai
- City of God
- Rear Window
- It's A Wonderful Life
- Dr. Strangelove
- Sunset Boulevard
- North By Northwest
- Citizen Kane
- Apocalypse Now
- Vertigo
- Lawrence of Arabia
- Amelie
- Paths of Glory
- To Kill A Mockingbird
- Avatar

* Read at least 15 books throughout the year, including, but not limited to the following:

- Pistol Poets - Victor Gischler
- Shotgun Opera - Victor Gischler
- Suicide Squeeze - Victor Gischler
- Vampire A Go Go - Victor Gischler
- Executive Power - Vince Flynn
- Memorial Day - Vince Flynn
- Consent To Kill - Vince Flynn
- Act of Treason - Vince Flynn
- Protect and Defend - Vince Flynn
- Extreme Measures - Vince Flynn
- Black Magic Sanction - Kim Harrison